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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23261338">Rammstein -With all my heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magiaaa/pseuds/Magiaaa'>Magiaaa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rammstein - oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rammstein</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character Death, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Suicide</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:20:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23261338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magiaaa/pseuds/Magiaaa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Till's and Pauls's life years after they both lost their companions and best friends. But there is something else too as Paul knows it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Paul Landers/Till Lindemann, Richard Kruspe/Paul Landers, Till Lindemann/Christoph Schneider</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Rammstein - oneshots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701301</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rammstein -With all my heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Note that you will cry and don't be mad at me. I needed this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Till stood there on his husband’s grave, looking at the stone. Christoph Schneider. He sighed quietly. Kneeling down to the grave. “Well, it has been a while”, He said. Cleaning the older flowers away. “I missed you… We didn’t sell our house. We sold Richards after all this”, he added soon. “You were right, we are better living together now”, Till said soon. Smiling, “It hasn’t been easy, not finding you in the morning”, He explained. Finishing up the flowers, before wiping his tears away. “See you later Chris..”, he said as he got up and walked to the gate. Not looking behind.<br/>
</p><p>The man drove home, he threw his car keys onto the table and took his shoes off, walking into the kitchen. “Hey”, Paul smiled and looked at him. “Hey, what are you making?” He asked. “I was craving some pancakes”, he laughed. “oh... Chris used to do those”, He said. “I’m sorry”, Paul said. “Please don’t be. It’s not forbidden, just because Chris used to do it”, Till said and took a few of those. “Yeah, but I just feel like I am pouring salt into your wounds”, Paul said. turning the stove off. “It does bring up memories, but that is how wanna remember him. Happy and up. Cooking, smiling”, Till said feeling how his tears fell down onto his cheeks. Paul came over and hugged him. “Now I made you cry”, he mumbled. “I was crying already before I came home”, Till explained.<br/>
</p><p>They ate the pancakes, Paul was too anxious to say anything. The house didn’t feel like home, but it helped Till a lot to live together and particularly in this house. At moments like this, he missed Richard even more,  it had been five years and still, sometimes it hurt so much, to even think about him, or see the picture in the living room bookshelf, with Schneider, who passed away seven years ago. Losing both of them in a short amount of time. it had made a hole in their lives. Paul got up and cleared their plates away, doing anything actually helped him a little to cope with everything. He knew he would soon have to tell Till. He was dying, slowly and surely his every organ would shut. He had already lost his spleen, the other kidney and he was about to lose his liver too. His breathing had gotten worse in the last week, meaning that soon it would be impossible to breathe. But just by watching as the other year of Schneiders passing went by and the once big and sweet man in front of him, slowly faded in front of him, becoming this smaller ball of grieve and longing, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him, that he would soon leave him too.<br/>
Till walked into the living room and noticed Paul holding a picture, “Is that us?” He asked. “Yeah, remember our last trip to your lake house?” He asked. “I do”, he smiled and sat down next to his lover. “The last good times with Schneider”, He added swallowing his tears  And looking at the photo. It was the only one where they were all laughing at something, he didn’t remember anymore what it was. Paul leaned on to him. Till put his arm around him. “Tillie... “, He started. “Yes, Paulchen?” Till asked. “I’m… Dying”, Paul said.<br/>
</p><p>“No, You can’t leave me. You can not die”, Till cried at this point. He was holding his lover in his arm. “Tillie, they can’t help me anymore. They can only ease this pain”, Paul said. “Paulchen”, Till cried. “Please don’t leave me alone, I love you”, he sobbed. “Tillie I love you too”; he said. It was a matter of days they had left. “I want to be with you... I asked... To be with you, at home”, He said. Till pressed his head against his lover’s neck and just cried uncontrollably. Not knowing what to think. He would soon be left all alone. “I need you”, he sobbed. “My sunshine.”<br/>
Next couple of days Paul really started to get sick, the man stayed in bed most of it and Till stayed right there beside him, holding him, feeding him.  Till stroked Paul's short brown hair, as the man laid there against his chest, breathing heavily.<br/>
"Tillie? Could we go outside?" Paul asked with his sleepy voice. "I want to see snow", He added. "Of course we can", Till said and kissed his lover’s forehead.  Till slowly put his lover against the pillows and got up. He dressed Paul and then himself. Helping the man up from the bed. "There isn't much snow yet", Till said. "I don't mind. I just want to smell the winter air once more", Paul said, as they slowly walked to their door. In about three days it would be his birthday, but he wasn’t sure if he would be there for it.<br/>
</p><p>They stepped outside the cold air biting his pale cheeks, which would just barely get enough blood flow to become light pink. It wasn’t snowing, it was getting dark and the ground was still brown and green.  But he could smell it, the freezing air, he leaned to his lover. “Tillie, look”, he said, looking up. Till put his arms around Paul. It started slowly with small drops. “It’s snowing”, He mumbled, as he got out of breath.<br/>
Next few days they spend in their bedroom, they would open the curtains and look outside as the snow got thicker and everything got white. Paul thought it was beautiful. Till tried to be happy around Paul, as the weight got bigger inside of him, he didn’t know exactly how long he would have with Paul, but he knew that he couldn’t take it. Not having his small sunshine there would break him. He hadn’t felt like it in a long time. After Schneider died, he had to hold on to his friends that were there for him and after two years they lost Richard and he had been there for Paul. Now he had to say goodbye one last time. As the guitarist was now spending his last days with him.<br/>
</p><p>Later that night Till held his lover in his arms trying to fight the tears. "Paulchen", he whispered, the smaller man moaned quietly. "Yes, Tillie?" He asked. "I love you", he said. "With all my heart", Paul cried as he closed his eyes, drawing his last breath in his lover’s arms. Till held him until Paul was cold and stiff. Crying. He still smelled the smaller guitarists shampoo. He laid the dead man on their bed putting his head against his pillow, still holding the man hand as he looked at Paul's face. "Wait for me please", He whispered, staring at Paul's now so pain-free face, before closing his eyes, putting the pill in his mouth. he pressing his head next to Paul's on to the pillow, as he felt like he was pulled somewhere, drifting into peacefulness. It had been five years since they lost Richard in a car accident and seven since they lost Schneider to the regrown brain tumor. But now he could see his friends there, standing right by the lake laughing and waiting for him.<br/>
x<br/>
x<br/>
The end.</p>
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